Where is the strength.

Pulling my halo down, I should be medicated.
There is a certain amount of destruction in my behavior that has over the years evolved into an art form and almost a dance with my own mortality. I hate me and I am so in love with me. That is my duality. I hate myself so I attack others with a visciousness that is unmatched to this day by anyone I know. The reason is I dont like to leave marks on peoples skin I would rather leave a burned memory in their mind. A smell that reminds them of me and makes them cry. A sound that will forever make their skin crawl or make them jump to the ceiling. Its that side of me that craves power that is this way. That is the me in business and in dealings with those foolish enough to cross me. I dont hold grudges I just seek revenge. I like justice and I enjoy dispensing my own sort when I see it convenient. Its not done out of hate for the person but rather out of a desire to set a record straight or a wrong made right. That me very few see and those who do will never speak of it for fear of their life. You know who you are and I will kill you if you try to play your games with me again. Doubt me watch my eyes when I am not watching you. They are not the eyes of a lover naturally. I am a predator, flesh and bone but I am a lover by choice. I have very little humanity left. This all kinda makes me uncomfortable around people. If I am in a large crowd for too long and too many people are talking to me watch my eyes again and you will be able to hear me screaming with rage.
The other side wants a family and a child or two or ten and maybe even a few dogs. I am capable of so much love it hurts not to let it out. I only wish there was a balance between the two worlds. I dont know but I am at a crossroads and if I dont act soon this will pass me by. I do love this girl but I need to dull my edge and kill the beast. I am afriad to do that because that will only make me more of a liability when the days turn to night and the nights are thick with the smoke of the burning dead. When heaven walks on earth and hell comes to claim its own there are those warriors who are ordained to protect the innocent and escort pure of heart to safety.