the hero complex...

I keep having weird dreams of my back breaking and my wife poisoning me or having a heart attack and dieing and then being resuscitated. Me standing on a stage telling jokes or sitting in the basement of a house that is burning down all around me. I don't know what it all means but I think it may have something to do with being terribly insecure and maybe a bit sad. I also have a common dream that I am dead, just dead and happy.

I think I may be a depressed person. I know I was known for bouts of depression when I was little and I was always a very melancholy child. I have always felt as though the world was on my shoulders and that I am not strong enough to handle it. I used to lie a lot when I was a child and my mom never let me have sugar cause it triggered my mood swings. I wonder if that was real or if my mom made it up to try to keep me calm. I have always looked forward to death. I don't want to die but I think that being dead will be a very interesting experience and something that I may enjoy and yet be very scared of at the same time. I wonder if there will be any more answers there on the other side then there are here. I will see one day. In other news I have lost a lot of weight in my endless pursuit of the fire/police dream.

It makes me laugh and sad...

I heard something funny today that made me a little sick.

A long time ago you shared such a close bond with those in your tribe or genetic pool that you never really strayed from. You always knew where those who were "like you" were at because they were there. As we as modern humans moved out and away from those of our tribe we lost touch with those of our own "kind or tribe". We secretly long at a very primative level for our kin and kith to rejoin us and share in what we have become.

If there is any truth to this I must say I want to find the rest of my tribe.

It can never be taken...

Power can never be taken from you, You can only give it up. The means that are used to make you give it up do not matter if in the end you still give someone else power over you. You always have the option to die or fight those who wish to take your power away from you.

" John Locke in Two Treatises of Government as part of his social contract theory. Locke declared that under natural law, all people have the right to life, liberty, and estate; he wrote that under the social contract, the people could instigate a revolution against the government when it acted against the interests of citizens and replace the government with another government in the interests of the citizens. The right of revolution thus essentially acted as a safeguard against tyranny. "
as quoted from Wikipedia.com


"We hold these Truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness.
That to secure these rights, Governments are instituted among Men, deriving their just Powers from the consent of the governed. That whenever any Form of Government becomes destructive of these Ends, it is in the Right of the People to alter or abolish it, and to institute a new Government, laying its Foundation on such Principles, and organizing its Powers in such Form, as to them shall seem most likely to effect their Safety and Happiness. Prudence indeed, will dictate that Governments long established should not be changed for light and transient Causes; and accordingly all Experience hath shewn, that Mankind are more disposed to suffer, while Evils are sufferable, than to right themselves by abolishing the Forms to which they are accustomed. But when a long Train of Abuses and Usurpations, pursuing invariably the same Object, evinces a Design to reduce them under absolute Despotism, it is their Right, it is their Duty, to throw off such Government, and to provide new Guards for their future Security. "