A greater purpose

I know it has been a while but I have been overwhelmed of late. can anyone else relate to this?

After four years of military service I am still itching to be apart of the "greater good". Anyone who is male and maybe a female or two (I am not sure though, that gender seems confused) will agree that you just get sick of the day to day fight to stay afloat. It sucks and I dream of more. I believe I was intended for something much bigger then myself. being a Hero and working towards something greater dieing for something bigger. I may not be the smartest or fastest but if you give me a purpose or objective worthy of my time no one will do it better or more effectively as I will. can anyone else relate? Hasent anyone else wondered about pushing through the garbage and fighting an enemy that must be defeated? Can anyone else relate to wanting the tast of battle for the first time or again? Can anyone else see my heart and my hunger? Was anyone elses life like a giant bootcamp molding them into a war machine? Does anyone else feel like the perfect soldier left on the shelf or dropped in the snow? Does anyone else think they are a genius but have not had their chance to shine? does anyone else even know what i am talking about? frustration.

Another manic-monday

So I am back at work and I am wondering if things are a boring as they seem or if this is my own pessimism ruining my attitude. I think that for the most part all I need to do to enjoy life is to stop paying attention at all and just give up. I think that the apathy of my old life was what was keeping it fun. My never thinking of the conquences of my actions kept me busy with having to keep my self constantly entertained. Boy did life hav no meaning then and now that it has meaning it seem boring. Is it me or do things seem funner when you are living for nothing and dieing to live? Why is hind sight always 20/20? Why do women always want to be the men in a relationship and still reap the benefits of being female? Why can dog pee standing up? When will the porcuepine evolve to a higher species and rule the earth? oh all just questions I will have to ask my creator when I see him.

Friday the Thirteenth...

I am going to point out that you should all enjoy this day cause you won get a 13 on a friday again untill August. Did you know that you can only have three of these a year. I hope you all are a little less annoyed then I am amd dont walk under any ladders.

Stop complaining

I hate when you tell someone something and because they are so wrapped up in what ever the hell they are doing they dont hear you. I hate it more when they miss something important like the phone is going to be delievered today! Without a phone we cannot call anyone or have anyone call us...not a bad proposition but when you need highspeed DSL on that line so that you can do minor things like PAY BILLS! Then its not just your fault for "not telling" then its your fault for not paying bills! The whole reason they are angry is cause they got woken up! Thats a crock! I am awake and have been awake and will be awake all day. You can sleep in on saturday like the rest of humanity. If you want to rag on me about not getting enough sleep then go to bed earlier! If you dont like me waking you up in the middle of the night then dont let me sleep over! If you have a problem with the way things are then address them and solve them or shut up and accept them, dont complain! Complaining is a waste of time in a relationship and only breeds discontent and anger. I hate complaining.

For all the Male readers...

Ever feel like something is missing in your life? like you were supposed to be some kind of hero and your not? Like your purpose was greater then pumping gas or being manager at a local retailer store?
For a long time I searched this whole globe looking for the thing that would make me feel worth while. I looked for my purpose in this swirling mass of people and I did not find it. I found God, I found Love, I found Sex, drugs, material things but most of all I found nothing. When I came home after being away from a family I had never left I had aquired almost nothing. It was frequent for me to visit without anything but the clothes on my back. After four years I fit everything I owned in two suitcases.
I was not satisfied or happy with me, all I found was emptiness and I had better defiend that gap in my soul. Can it be filled? Is there a man out there that can securly tell me he is not only happy but fulfilled also?

More fun...

So i have sat in this seat almost non-stop for seven hours. I dont think anyone knows how unbearable it is to do a job that requires you to sit still when you havent been on ritilin for seven months cuase you can afford it. I am beside my self with anxity to move but I am afraid that if i get up I am going to run out of this building screaming.
Can anyone else relate to wanting a little bit more excitement in their life? I spent the last four years traveling the world then I come home and I havent even left the state in months. I wanna drown my self in the toilett! ( <---a statement made in frustration, not a genuine cry for help) If anyone else out there reads this I want to know what you wanted to be when you grow up. Did anyone out there ever say they want to grow up and be a wimp or a chump or something along those lines? I ask cause I want to know.

Another day

So I guess today is about the average in my life. I waited till the last second before I got up. If it was not for my girl I would have not gotten up at all. I dont have a problem staying awake I have a problem getting there. I hate waking up for work. This is not new to anyone else out there I am sure. I drove the hour and a half to work and when I got here I sit still. Now for a 23 year old who has been on ritlin since he was diagnosed with adult ADHD this is dificult. I think it was a crap diagnosis but the meds worked great for me. Sitting still I believe is half the reason that I get paid so much money! I have no college and really no formal training. I do however, have a criminal record with computers and that is mostly whats on my resume. Its all about presentation!

Has anyone else ever been in love

So I am wondering if you have ever been in love. This is a question that I wonder if anyone else will ever answer.

So this is blogging....

This is the first post on my blogger. I am not sure what a blogger is but I got one now. I am going to try to write to it everyday. I also would like if anyone else would write too. I love to hear what others have to say. I think this might become kind of a public journal. I don't often get to express what I have to say and if you know me and this site you have to read what I have to say before you can respond. I do not talk to be heard though. I talk to get things off my mind and if you want to respond to what I write about my life then fine but if not then don't. Say what ever you want. Your opinion is just that, its yours. If you want to ask my advice I have lived a long time and you are free to ask anything you want but be sure to let me know if you want a reply back. I would like everything to remain public. Questions and answers.