The more I look into the whole "Is there a God ?" thing I come up with the same conclusion. Evidence at this time points to maybe and to believe I must have faith. Why have faith when its easier not too. This is my reason:
Without a God then I have to assume that this whole 75 year long rant I call life is its own purpose. The point of being is nothing more then to be. More or less procreate, amass stuff and pass it on to my children in an effort to keep my genetic code going. If this is the case and I have no soul and that is the purpose then everyone that I precieve as less then me does not deserve to live.
The mentaly retarded children that are born in every family and on every continent are not important they are genetic offshoots that should be terminated because they weaken my species as a whole. There is not a prefectly good soul in those shells they are only ruined chunks of meat and if it came down to them and me I know that I could easily triumph over them. Stephen Hawking is supposedly one of the smartest men of our time and yet I know his giant head would only searve as a nice bowl on my mantle if it was survival of the fittes. So what the fuck is my point?
The fact that we progress is to me reason enough to believe in God. If we are only evolving then what changed 75,000 years ago that made us make the leap to conciousness from ape? I think that people are getting hung up on the physical evoloution of our species and not giving an educated look at the psychological evoloution that happened out of the blue for what seems to be no reason at all.
This may all seem to be a bit Psycho but I have been called worse by people with higher educations then whoever is going to read this.
Wednesday, December 21, 2005
Thursday, November 17, 2005
Biased should be avoided
I find very little of value to post about so I dont post very often.
"I have been a buddhist all my life but I am not attached to buddhism You should not be attached something, with attachment comes a biased attitude"
Lhamo Thondup
"I have been a buddhist all my life but I am not attached to buddhism You should not be attached something, with attachment comes a biased attitude"
Lhamo Thondup
Tuesday, July 05, 2005
I know Im an ass hole...
I dont think I ever posted that I got married in February. Yeah then I moved out of the country...HAHA!! she will never find me! NO but on the real I moved out of the country to be with her. We knew eachother a whole five months before we tied that knot and Now I am posting from a third world country with a wife sitting next to me who cant even read what I am writing. Not really again I just moved to Canada and its still snowing here in the middle of the American summer.
Wednesday, June 29, 2005
the dreams of drug addicts
A perfect circle
Imagine
Imagine there's no heaven,
It's easy if you try,
No hell below us,
Above us only sky,
Imagine all the people
living for today...
Imagine there's no countries,
It isnt hard to do,
Nothing to kill or die for,
No religion too,
Imagine all the people
living life in peace...
You may say Im a dreamer,
but Im not the only one,
I hope some day you'll join us,
And the world will live as one.
(Imagine all the people sharing all the world)
Imagine no possesions,
I wonder if you can,
No need for greed or hunger,
A brotherhood of man,
Imagine all the people
Sharing all the world...
You may say Im a dreamer,
but Im not the only one,
I hope some day you'll join us,
And the world will live as one.
Imagine
Imagine there's no heaven,
It's easy if you try,
No hell below us,
Above us only sky,
Imagine all the people
living for today...
Imagine there's no countries,
It isnt hard to do,
Nothing to kill or die for,
No religion too,
Imagine all the people
living life in peace...
You may say Im a dreamer,
but Im not the only one,
I hope some day you'll join us,
And the world will live as one.
(Imagine all the people sharing all the world)
Imagine no possesions,
I wonder if you can,
No need for greed or hunger,
A brotherhood of man,
Imagine all the people
Sharing all the world...
You may say Im a dreamer,
but Im not the only one,
I hope some day you'll join us,
And the world will live as one.
Sunday, June 26, 2005
between insects and angels
So if you keep up on my reading my sporadic blog you would know I always have dreams and on occasion i post about them. I had one that I find really strange so I will post it.
Its night time and I am in a huge line of people outside of a very large building (think old Chicago post office over the Eisenhower exp.). This line is huge so much so that there is scaffolding put up to redirect the lines over themselves to maximize the usable space. We are all being corraled into this huge building. Inside the building there are all kinds of police but they are in more military looking uniforms. Outside there are tons of bright lights and helicoptors with spotlights shining everywhere. The whole time I am wondering why I was draged out of my bed by these police people in these new blue uniforms to this place. Everyone I ask has no idea why we are here but everytime someone trys to run away they are "taken down" by the police and dragged to where I assume is Jail. After a very long time I see that the line I am in is going inside the building. Once I get to one of the military police people attending at what looks like a podium they ask me my name, if i was ever in the military , what my date of birth is and if i know my SSN. They reprint up all these documents in a matter of moments and hand them to me and tell me to hang on to them. I am then told to report to number 17. I get the idea that this is the highest number in their scheeme and that is not a good thing to report to that number. As I walk all the way to the back of this giant wearhouse full of people I know this is happening all over this building and there must be thousands of people here. When I get to the back of this huge room i see number 17 and there is only two people sitting under this number. Funny to find out its my 30 year old brother and my 15 year old neice. He sees me, laughs and says that what ever is happening its gotta be bad that us three are stuck under the same number (we are the strongest psychics in our family). My neice is scared but she can see the future and seems to be pretty at ease that we are going to be fine. Then i say I am going to go see who else we know in the lines since I have not checked into my line and I go. I end up seeing my other neice and nephew and my other sister michelle and then i keep getting told to find renee. She is my youngest sister as the dream ends with us beeing put on rail cars or in trucks like we are all being sent to concentration camps. Concentration camps for mutants or freaks. Then i wask up feeling like my sister is gone. pretty shitty feeling i think.
Its night time and I am in a huge line of people outside of a very large building (think old Chicago post office over the Eisenhower exp.). This line is huge so much so that there is scaffolding put up to redirect the lines over themselves to maximize the usable space. We are all being corraled into this huge building. Inside the building there are all kinds of police but they are in more military looking uniforms. Outside there are tons of bright lights and helicoptors with spotlights shining everywhere. The whole time I am wondering why I was draged out of my bed by these police people in these new blue uniforms to this place. Everyone I ask has no idea why we are here but everytime someone trys to run away they are "taken down" by the police and dragged to where I assume is Jail. After a very long time I see that the line I am in is going inside the building. Once I get to one of the military police people attending at what looks like a podium they ask me my name, if i was ever in the military , what my date of birth is and if i know my SSN. They reprint up all these documents in a matter of moments and hand them to me and tell me to hang on to them. I am then told to report to number 17. I get the idea that this is the highest number in their scheeme and that is not a good thing to report to that number. As I walk all the way to the back of this giant wearhouse full of people I know this is happening all over this building and there must be thousands of people here. When I get to the back of this huge room i see number 17 and there is only two people sitting under this number. Funny to find out its my 30 year old brother and my 15 year old neice. He sees me, laughs and says that what ever is happening its gotta be bad that us three are stuck under the same number (we are the strongest psychics in our family). My neice is scared but she can see the future and seems to be pretty at ease that we are going to be fine. Then i say I am going to go see who else we know in the lines since I have not checked into my line and I go. I end up seeing my other neice and nephew and my other sister michelle and then i keep getting told to find renee. She is my youngest sister as the dream ends with us beeing put on rail cars or in trucks like we are all being sent to concentration camps. Concentration camps for mutants or freaks. Then i wask up feeling like my sister is gone. pretty shitty feeling i think.
Thursday, June 02, 2005
Nutritional information about the thyroid
http://www.ithyroid.com/thyroid_theory.htm
Vitamins are essential to facilitate mineral metabolism and proteins and lipids combine with minerals to form the essential biological chemicals that the body needs. A vitamin, protein, or lipid deficiency can result in a mineral deficiency. To correct a mineral deficiency causes by a vitamin, protein, or lipid deficiency, not only must the vitamin, protein, or lipid be replenished, but the mineral must be also.
Because of the interaction of minerals, vitamins, proteins, and lipids, supplying the body with less than all four of these can result in deficiencies of the others. For example, we know that selenium is facilitated by vitamin E. Taking excessive amounts of supplemental vitamin E without also taking selenium can result in the body becoming deficient in selenium.
Likewise copper metabolism is facilitated by vitamin C. Taking excessive amounts of vitamin C without also supplementing copper can deplete the body of copper. Replenishing the copper requires some, but not an excessive amount of vitamin C. It also requires the presence of all the other nutrients necessary for copper metabolism.
Also taking excessive amounts of one mineral can deplete other minerals. Here is an example I've seen in several people. Hemoglobin production requires two key minerals, iron and copper, along with many vitamins, proteins, and lipids. A deficiency of iron will cause iron-deficiency anemia. A deficiency of copper will cause copper-deficiency anemia. Both minerals are necessary.
If a person takes an excessive amount of iron without copper, copper will become deficient and the person will become anemic. Many people go to a doctor and are found anemic. Usually the doctor will prescribe massive doses of iron, sometimes as much as 200 milligrams per day (about 15 mgs. per day is adequate). Then the doctor is surprised because the anemia doesn't go away. If this iron supplementation is continued then copper becomes so deficient that the person will develop a thyroid disease.
Each vitamin facilitates the metabolism of one or more minerals. The B complex vitamins are very important in facilitating the metabolism of the trace minerals that are essential for bodily functions. Taking excessive amounts of B complex vitamins without an adequate supply of minerals can result in mineral deficiencies.
Because of the interactive effects between minerals, it is essential to keep minerals supplied in the proper balance. Likewise, it is essential to supply vitamins such as the B complex vitamins in the proper balance. Many nutritional experts warn about the problems that can result from taking some B vitamins without the others. They urge people to take a balanced B complex rather than individual B vitamins.
Taking individual B vitamins in unbalanced amounts causes problems because it disrupts the underlying mineral balance. Thus you can get a mineral unbalance in two ways: by ingestion minerals that aren't balanced and by ingesting vitamins that are unbalanced.
Supplementing vitamins and minerals is a powerful tool, but it is double-edged: you can quickly correct a nutritional deficiency with the use of supplements, but you can also quickly disrupt the balance of minerals.
As you will see later, I believe that hyperthyroidism is caused by an imbalance of minerals in the body. Some minerals are depleted and this causes major problems. Taking any one of a long list of nutrients can further deplete these deficient minerals and make hyperthyroidism worse. This is what most hyperthyroidism sufferers experience: most nutritional supplements make them worse.
Besides nutritional supplements we have to consider heavy metal toxicity. It appears to me that the danger from heavy metal toxicity is twofold: first, heavy metals replace and deplete essential metals from biological processes by mineral competition; and second, heavy metals are especially problematic because of their long half-life in the body. It seems that the heavier the metal the longer is stays in the body and the less it takes to cause disruption to nutrient balance.
Cadmium is a particularly toxic metal especially for the thyroid. Later we will look at how cadmium toxicity depletes zinc and copper and causes both hypothyroidism and hyperthyroidism.
This is a short introduction to my theories of the basic nutritional processes underlying deficiency diseases. The basic idea to remember is that nutrients need to be balanced and imbalances can cause further imbalances. Ingestion of imbalanced amounts of nutrients or toxic metals can disrupt the balance of nutrients required for proper health and endocrine function.
Vitamins are essential to facilitate mineral metabolism and proteins and lipids combine with minerals to form the essential biological chemicals that the body needs. A vitamin, protein, or lipid deficiency can result in a mineral deficiency. To correct a mineral deficiency causes by a vitamin, protein, or lipid deficiency, not only must the vitamin, protein, or lipid be replenished, but the mineral must be also.
Because of the interaction of minerals, vitamins, proteins, and lipids, supplying the body with less than all four of these can result in deficiencies of the others. For example, we know that selenium is facilitated by vitamin E. Taking excessive amounts of supplemental vitamin E without also taking selenium can result in the body becoming deficient in selenium.
Likewise copper metabolism is facilitated by vitamin C. Taking excessive amounts of vitamin C without also supplementing copper can deplete the body of copper. Replenishing the copper requires some, but not an excessive amount of vitamin C. It also requires the presence of all the other nutrients necessary for copper metabolism.
Also taking excessive amounts of one mineral can deplete other minerals. Here is an example I've seen in several people. Hemoglobin production requires two key minerals, iron and copper, along with many vitamins, proteins, and lipids. A deficiency of iron will cause iron-deficiency anemia. A deficiency of copper will cause copper-deficiency anemia. Both minerals are necessary.
If a person takes an excessive amount of iron without copper, copper will become deficient and the person will become anemic. Many people go to a doctor and are found anemic. Usually the doctor will prescribe massive doses of iron, sometimes as much as 200 milligrams per day (about 15 mgs. per day is adequate). Then the doctor is surprised because the anemia doesn't go away. If this iron supplementation is continued then copper becomes so deficient that the person will develop a thyroid disease.
Each vitamin facilitates the metabolism of one or more minerals. The B complex vitamins are very important in facilitating the metabolism of the trace minerals that are essential for bodily functions. Taking excessive amounts of B complex vitamins without an adequate supply of minerals can result in mineral deficiencies.
Because of the interactive effects between minerals, it is essential to keep minerals supplied in the proper balance. Likewise, it is essential to supply vitamins such as the B complex vitamins in the proper balance. Many nutritional experts warn about the problems that can result from taking some B vitamins without the others. They urge people to take a balanced B complex rather than individual B vitamins.
Taking individual B vitamins in unbalanced amounts causes problems because it disrupts the underlying mineral balance. Thus you can get a mineral unbalance in two ways: by ingestion minerals that aren't balanced and by ingesting vitamins that are unbalanced.
Supplementing vitamins and minerals is a powerful tool, but it is double-edged: you can quickly correct a nutritional deficiency with the use of supplements, but you can also quickly disrupt the balance of minerals.
As you will see later, I believe that hyperthyroidism is caused by an imbalance of minerals in the body. Some minerals are depleted and this causes major problems. Taking any one of a long list of nutrients can further deplete these deficient minerals and make hyperthyroidism worse. This is what most hyperthyroidism sufferers experience: most nutritional supplements make them worse.
Besides nutritional supplements we have to consider heavy metal toxicity. It appears to me that the danger from heavy metal toxicity is twofold: first, heavy metals replace and deplete essential metals from biological processes by mineral competition; and second, heavy metals are especially problematic because of their long half-life in the body. It seems that the heavier the metal the longer is stays in the body and the less it takes to cause disruption to nutrient balance.
Cadmium is a particularly toxic metal especially for the thyroid. Later we will look at how cadmium toxicity depletes zinc and copper and causes both hypothyroidism and hyperthyroidism.
This is a short introduction to my theories of the basic nutritional processes underlying deficiency diseases. The basic idea to remember is that nutrients need to be balanced and imbalances can cause further imbalances. Ingestion of imbalanced amounts of nutrients or toxic metals can disrupt the balance of nutrients required for proper health and endocrine function.
Friday, May 20, 2005
Dear....
Why are some thing so hard to say? Why are words not alive and able to convey more then nothing at all? I wish I could speak another language, a language that was alive. Something that could change emotion into expression and move expression through the conflagration of changes that its bound to do while trying to imbue the listener with a full range of images, feelings and conflicting that accompanies such convoluted drama. More then one person will read this and I doubt that for who this is intended will ever reach their eyes. These are things that I will never say and don't want to write but I cannot keep it in. This is my letter to both of you because it has to be said. I hate to lump you both together but I am in rare form today and this is more then likely I will ever be able to write this.
I have failed. I am a weak coward and a liar and I have never had any integrity. I will never measure up to either of you. I set unreal expectations for one and held the other under a microscope for too long. I am the inherent flaw and our relationships and for that I am sorry. Death is to light a penance for a bottom feeding leach like me. My own self imposed punishment is this, honesty. There is nothing worse for me, a shadow, then having to look into the mirror and admit that I have no substance. I am only the refraction of light on the breath greatness. I am the antithesis of you in that I am the inevitable darkness to your light. I beg your forgiveness and humbly plead for redemption from the creator.
I have tried to follow your example but only managed to distort your vision or truth to something perverse and unclean. I tried to be a big brother to him but feel I only succeeded in driving him further on a journey of unending questions and no answers. I am sorry that I was a bad pupil. I am sorry that I was a bad little brother. I am sorry that I don't care enough to be a good friend. I am sorry that I don't know everything. I am sorry that I am not perfect. I want to be perfect. I want to be perfect. I am going to make my self perfect. I don't care what it will cost. I will die trying, I am going to be perfect.
the person staring through
the person staring through the reflective
you've turned and run off with all
to the other side with you
and I know, I know
you try so damn hard to be so happy
so you say, what do I do now that you are me ?
I'll fade with time, just like in the dream
inherit my shoes, they were too hard to fill anyways
I want it to go well for you, start over and do it right
this time for me
open the eyes, look at this wall and notice the one that
borrows and steals
I do this to myself
stick to the side roads
they help interesting thoughts
you see what you want to see
I have failed. I am a weak coward and a liar and I have never had any integrity. I will never measure up to either of you. I set unreal expectations for one and held the other under a microscope for too long. I am the inherent flaw and our relationships and for that I am sorry. Death is to light a penance for a bottom feeding leach like me. My own self imposed punishment is this, honesty. There is nothing worse for me, a shadow, then having to look into the mirror and admit that I have no substance. I am only the refraction of light on the breath greatness. I am the antithesis of you in that I am the inevitable darkness to your light. I beg your forgiveness and humbly plead for redemption from the creator.
I have tried to follow your example but only managed to distort your vision or truth to something perverse and unclean. I tried to be a big brother to him but feel I only succeeded in driving him further on a journey of unending questions and no answers. I am sorry that I was a bad pupil. I am sorry that I was a bad little brother. I am sorry that I don't care enough to be a good friend. I am sorry that I don't know everything. I am sorry that I am not perfect. I want to be perfect. I want to be perfect. I am going to make my self perfect. I don't care what it will cost. I will die trying, I am going to be perfect.
the person staring through
the person staring through the reflective
you've turned and run off with all
to the other side with you
and I know, I know
you try so damn hard to be so happy
so you say, what do I do now that you are me ?
I'll fade with time, just like in the dream
inherit my shoes, they were too hard to fill anyways
I want it to go well for you, start over and do it right
this time for me
open the eyes, look at this wall and notice the one that
borrows and steals
I do this to myself
stick to the side roads
they help interesting thoughts
you see what you want to see
Wednesday, May 18, 2005
The Broken down palace
I have been looking into so thing about the human body and have found quite a bit of information on the subject of Herbal and alternative medecine. I will share as the information becomes avaliable to me. As far as I can tell it seems that the last truly explored and mis-understood frontier, the human body, has over the years become more and more toxic. The data that I have been reading has a lot to do with heavy metals and their affect on the brain and digestive system. Imagine if during a war you put a city underseige and dont allow any waste disposal to occur or at least limit it severly. No matter how high the walls are or how accurate the or strong the fighters are disease and death will surly follow very quickly. Take that into consideration when you think about how well your digestive system is working and what you are putting into it. Some really scary shit can happen when you are not processing your food correctly or efficently enough. Here are some extreme measures I have found that aid the body through vitamins and minerals and proper diet. I am still looking into a gluten-free, casein-free (GFCF) diet. I am also researching RAW FOOD diet but as far as I can see that is a very extreme type of eating and it seems best suited for those who are ailing or are frequently sick.
Treatment for Viral Infections: Monolaurin: ¼ tsp, 3x/day: active vs measles, HHV-6, pathogenic bacteria;
Treatment for Weakened Immune System Zinc: 20-200 mg Selenium: 100-200 mcg Beta-glucan (activates macrophages, the part of the blood that eats foreign matter) Caution: easily becomes rancid, so make sure you get a good brand IP-6 (from Enzymatic Therapy): activates Natural Killer cells; 1-2/day on empty stomach Transfer Factor: from Chisolm Oral immune globulin – prescription only
Treatment for Mercury and other Heavy Metals (see Consensus Treatment for Metal Detoxification for Childrenwith Autism) DMSA: but it can cause temporary regression, possibly by the undigested amount feeding gut bacteria Alpha Lipoic Acid: but caution, it can make some children worse Glutathione: oral, transdermal, or intravenous Colostrums (Kirkmans Super Colostrum Gold) Monolaurin Vancomycin or flagyl – to fight bad bacteria Fiber (Miralax is one option) Reduce sugars Eat vegetables Essential fatty acids.
Mercury detoxification is best done with DMSA. Chlorella and cilantro should be avoided because, although they gather mercury from the environment,they do not bind mercury as strongly as human tissue, so they will tent to release mercury into humans. DMSA can best be used on a 3 day on, 11 day off cycle, with dosing every 8 hours (4 hours vs 8 does not seem to make much difference). DMSA may cause some fatigue or irritability, since it seems to cause GI dysbiosis temporarily. DMSA does not transport mercury into the brain.
Once DMSA has lowered the level of heavy metals, alpha lipoic acid can be added on the days of DMSA, and will increase excretion of mercury. Doses for alpha lipoic acid can start at 1-3 mg/kg-day, and increase up to 10 mg/kg-day.
Treatment for Protein Maldigestion: - morselation: chew food into smaller pieces, so more surface area for digestion - Digestive Enzymes: options include EnzymAid, Creon, others for all meals/snacks
Treatment for Ammonia Excess It is a neurotoxin. To test for it, ship blood only on dry ice. To treat it, follow treatment for protein maldigestion. Also, reduce/eliminate glutamine. Finally, use alpha keto glutaric acid, 100-300 mg, 2x/day
Treatment for Nutritional Deficiencies Multivitamin/mineral supplement Essential fatty acids
High-quality food (no junk food, soda, etc) Eat smaller portions, more frequently
Treatment for Food Allergies Test for food allergies at a lab like Immunolabs – remove allegic foods rotation diet (don’t eat the same thing) Digestive enzymes IV immunoglobulin and mercury detoxification may help
Treatment for Detoxification: Oral sulfur: taurine, glucosamine sulfate, MSM, n-acetyl cysteine
Transdermal magnesium sulfate (Kirkman), epsom salt baths Glutathione – transdermal or IV Milk Thistle – to support liver
diets (GFCF, low sugar, organic (esp. meat)purified water, no nutrasweet)
digestive enzymes probioticsvitamin/mineral supplements (esp. zinc and C)cod liver oil (for vitamin A and D)
fish oil and evening primrose oil (for omega 3 and omega 6 fatty acids)
anti-viral meds secretinDMSA/alpha lipoic acid (to remove heavy metals)bethanecol (helps intestinal mucosa, stimulates digestive enzymes).
Summary:
1) gut damage creates breeding ground for bad bacteria and fungi
2) mercury causes GI problems
3) many nutritional deficiencies exist
4) poor protein digestion causes nutritional deficiencies and
food for bad bacteria Effective treatments for the above conditions exist and can help.
all this data is avaliable all over the internet but if you would like me to spoon feed the sites to you rather then research them your self I would be happy to send them to you.
Treatment for Viral Infections: Monolaurin: ¼ tsp, 3x/day: active vs measles, HHV-6, pathogenic bacteria;
Treatment for Weakened Immune System Zinc: 20-200 mg Selenium: 100-200 mcg Beta-glucan (activates macrophages, the part of the blood that eats foreign matter) Caution: easily becomes rancid, so make sure you get a good brand IP-6 (from Enzymatic Therapy): activates Natural Killer cells; 1-2/day on empty stomach Transfer Factor: from Chisolm Oral immune globulin – prescription only
Treatment for Mercury and other Heavy Metals (see Consensus Treatment for Metal Detoxification for Childrenwith Autism) DMSA: but it can cause temporary regression, possibly by the undigested amount feeding gut bacteria Alpha Lipoic Acid: but caution, it can make some children worse Glutathione: oral, transdermal, or intravenous Colostrums (Kirkmans Super Colostrum Gold) Monolaurin Vancomycin or flagyl – to fight bad bacteria Fiber (Miralax is one option) Reduce sugars Eat vegetables Essential fatty acids.
Mercury detoxification is best done with DMSA. Chlorella and cilantro should be avoided because, although they gather mercury from the environment,they do not bind mercury as strongly as human tissue, so they will tent to release mercury into humans. DMSA can best be used on a 3 day on, 11 day off cycle, with dosing every 8 hours (4 hours vs 8 does not seem to make much difference). DMSA may cause some fatigue or irritability, since it seems to cause GI dysbiosis temporarily. DMSA does not transport mercury into the brain.
Once DMSA has lowered the level of heavy metals, alpha lipoic acid can be added on the days of DMSA, and will increase excretion of mercury. Doses for alpha lipoic acid can start at 1-3 mg/kg-day, and increase up to 10 mg/kg-day.
Treatment for Protein Maldigestion: - morselation: chew food into smaller pieces, so more surface area for digestion - Digestive Enzymes: options include EnzymAid, Creon, others for all meals/snacks
Treatment for Ammonia Excess It is a neurotoxin. To test for it, ship blood only on dry ice. To treat it, follow treatment for protein maldigestion. Also, reduce/eliminate glutamine. Finally, use alpha keto glutaric acid, 100-300 mg, 2x/day
Treatment for Nutritional Deficiencies Multivitamin/mineral supplement Essential fatty acids
High-quality food (no junk food, soda, etc) Eat smaller portions, more frequently
Treatment for Food Allergies Test for food allergies at a lab like Immunolabs – remove allegic foods rotation diet (don’t eat the same thing) Digestive enzymes IV immunoglobulin and mercury detoxification may help
Treatment for Detoxification: Oral sulfur: taurine, glucosamine sulfate, MSM, n-acetyl cysteine
Transdermal magnesium sulfate (Kirkman), epsom salt baths Glutathione – transdermal or IV Milk Thistle – to support liver
diets (GFCF, low sugar, organic (esp. meat)purified water, no nutrasweet)
digestive enzymes probioticsvitamin/mineral supplements (esp. zinc and C)cod liver oil (for vitamin A and D)
fish oil and evening primrose oil (for omega 3 and omega 6 fatty acids)
anti-viral meds secretinDMSA/alpha lipoic acid (to remove heavy metals)bethanecol (helps intestinal mucosa, stimulates digestive enzymes).
Summary:
1) gut damage creates breeding ground for bad bacteria and fungi
2) mercury causes GI problems
3) many nutritional deficiencies exist
4) poor protein digestion causes nutritional deficiencies and
food for bad bacteria Effective treatments for the above conditions exist and can help.
all this data is avaliable all over the internet but if you would like me to spoon feed the sites to you rather then research them your self I would be happy to send them to you.
Friday, April 29, 2005
To determine a name
There is a process I think should be made known about names. when person is born they know nothing of language or the physical identifiers, dynamic consciouness labels or what ever you look at as your name. As you grow older and wiser with every moment you strech what you knew the preceeding moment. At one point you learn what you are called by those around you and what or how to call on them. At another point you learn that everything has been assigned a refrence point by which to call on or refer to that thing and you begin to speak by relating to things. There was a point in my own life where my name no longer suited me but on the advice of my parents, I never changed it. What I am getting at and I no longer want to take the time to explain is this. Your name is not always what people will call you. Its more important then you think but less important then you will ever know. Soak in your individuality for now but remember that to more then one person you are just that loser on the corner.
Tuesday, April 26, 2005
Its a poison
I have a secret craving to drink a cup that I know very well could get me killed. Oh the sweet poison that is adrenaline. If you have never put your life and your soul on the line a few times you will never know what I am talking about. I crave that bitter bliss that is only found on the edge of demise, far beyond the borders of reason. I want to go to the places where stupidity is fatal and perfection is the standard. I want to run with wolves and lions knowing that I am with my own kinda. Those warriors who can only taste their sweat and crave the pop of their joints from life in a fast lane with no road. God why do I want this so much? I feel like a very well used sword being set on the shelf to waste away. I keep telling my self that I am not wasting away I am learning patience and self control. I am learning how to hold still at a thousand miles an hour. I am beginning to know what it is to truly listen and also what it feels like to be heard. I am no longer looking for a fight, I am finding a reason behind a senseless war. I am getting motive for what I no longer see as madness and learning why I ran so hard when I should have learned to walk. Yes, It is a poison I crave but I know I need something else.
Monday, April 25, 2005
A breeze running through
As I gaze into the places that eyes cannot see and I am brought through the fog of eternity I wonder where I am going. Do I write these insane thoughts for attention or am I thinking them so often I need to write them down to stop thinking them. I need a cigarette around the same time every night. How does it feel? Of all the things I had as a child that I wish I still possessed as an adult I believe a clean mind is the most important. Its in the nature of everything that can think never to comprehend its own insignificance. The harder you try to find meaning the further the meaning you have slips away. I am starting to think that stating the obvious is a waste of time. People don't listen and I can seem to shut up. I just feel crazy when I talk to others about what really interests me. I know too much about noting important and not enough about the things that will make a difference. I hate it all some times. I wish I was still depressed on the epic scale of my youth. I would have a reason for thinking like I do. Now I think all of this completely calm and with no emotion. I have to remind my self not to go through the motions and just how lucky I am. No this is not a glimpse into my mind, just a breeze running through it.
Sunday, April 24, 2005
The opposing truths
Remember to smile.
Don't ever cry.
Always say thank you and please.
If its not felt don't fake it.
Choose your friends wisely.
Grieve with the living not for the dead.
Treat everyone equal.
Be considerate of the opposite sex but not submissive.
Submit to your spouse.
Always stay calm.
You will never be happy.
Cry so hard you never stop breaking inside.
Be more thankful for what you don't have.
Most people don't know sincerity or how to show it.
Friends will always betray or leave you.
Attend funerals. Skip weddings. You will have a tighter grasp on reality that way.
Some are born less fortunate and most will stay that way.
The opposing gender is just a blind to you as you are to them.
Strive for equilibrium not superiority.
Always stay calm.
Don't ever cry.
Always say thank you and please.
If its not felt don't fake it.
Choose your friends wisely.
Grieve with the living not for the dead.
Treat everyone equal.
Be considerate of the opposite sex but not submissive.
Submit to your spouse.
Always stay calm.
You will never be happy.
Cry so hard you never stop breaking inside.
Be more thankful for what you don't have.
Most people don't know sincerity or how to show it.
Friends will always betray or leave you.
Attend funerals. Skip weddings. You will have a tighter grasp on reality that way.
Some are born less fortunate and most will stay that way.
The opposing gender is just a blind to you as you are to them.
Strive for equilibrium not superiority.
Always stay calm.
Thursday, April 21, 2005
What has been lost
There are things that have been lost over the ages. If you ever take the time to listen to the winds that do not move the hair you would know what I am writing about. I have been losing my mind in the contemplation and execution of thoughts that could either damn the soul I believe I have or crush my faith completely. I have no need anymore to know but I keep asking the why. The directions in time I am going to just to get what I believe would be an almost believable answer. With every question I have another question. With every piece of me that becomes stronger another part begins to atrophy. One of the major laws of alchemy is that to gain anything you must give something of equal or greater value. What determines value? Can I give something up that I do not posses? Why believe the truth of one man when it serves you and call him a lunatic in the next breath because what he stands for or says he has proven refutes what you want to believe. There was a time when no one in this land had seen a sailing vessel. When they arrived on the shores of this land only the children could see them. When a ship was sitting in the harbor literally the adults could not see them until they were described by their open minded children. The mind only sees what it is willing to accept. Ever not been able to see something that you know is right in front of your eyes? How open does my mind have to be without what is let in ruining all that is there?
Tuesday, March 08, 2005
I get to be a hero
For the first time in a very long time (maybe ever)I get to feel like I am worth the 19 cents of chemicals it takes to make up my body. My whole life I have been fascinated with my own death. I have felt that my place where ever it was could not be found on this planet or this plane of existence. I grew up thinking this and it shaped me in very strange ways. Couple that underlying thought with an open upbringing to believe in something and Pentecostal churches and it makes for very strange ways indeed. I never cared about anything other then fulfilling my "Purpose" and getting to die and move on. When I became a man I forgot about the "You have a purpose" and just thought you can go on living or you can die. It took a lot of effort on my part to try and die and I was not up to the task. I will not say I did not give it a very good try but it just never happened; I am still alive.
Now I have crossed into another realm of living. I live with a purpose and its so very strange. You see I was recently married and now I also have a son. If I die my wife Carmen will miss me. My new and first son will also be very sad and he even might miss me too. For me to wrap my mind around this little truth has take me weeks and I fear I am only beginning. For so long I was resigned to my own life in a way most people do not get to experience. With this preface I will get to what has been bouncing around in my head.
Your hero is all I ever wanted to be.
That is how you make me fee, like a hero.
When your sad and I can make you smile I feel like a hero.
When I don't want to go to work I remember that you love me and I feel like a hero.
If you were stuck in a tower with a dragon guarding your door I would be the first there to set you free cause all I ever want to be is your hero.
To you it may seem childish for me to be your hero, but I swear its all I ever wanted to be.
You are my queen and the finest damsel I could ever imagine.
If you ever need to be rescued know that I will gladly take on the task.
I want you to share everything I have live happily everafter.
You are all I ever wanted,
everything I never knew needed,
Now I hope you see your hero is all I ever want to be.
Now I have crossed into another realm of living. I live with a purpose and its so very strange. You see I was recently married and now I also have a son. If I die my wife Carmen will miss me. My new and first son will also be very sad and he even might miss me too. For me to wrap my mind around this little truth has take me weeks and I fear I am only beginning. For so long I was resigned to my own life in a way most people do not get to experience. With this preface I will get to what has been bouncing around in my head.
Your hero is all I ever wanted to be.
That is how you make me fee, like a hero.
When your sad and I can make you smile I feel like a hero.
When I don't want to go to work I remember that you love me and I feel like a hero.
If you were stuck in a tower with a dragon guarding your door I would be the first there to set you free cause all I ever want to be is your hero.
To you it may seem childish for me to be your hero, but I swear its all I ever wanted to be.
You are my queen and the finest damsel I could ever imagine.
If you ever need to be rescued know that I will gladly take on the task.
I want you to share everything I have live happily everafter.
You are all I ever wanted,
everything I never knew needed,
Now I hope you see your hero is all I ever want to be.
Monday, February 14, 2005
The bending of being
I had a dream. I was sitting on a sphere with all who have ever exsisted. This sphere was large but not nearly as big as one might think. As I looked around some of us were watching the slow rotation (which was on every axis) but most seemed to have their heads down as if they were sleeping. As I looked ahead I could almost hear somthing calling into my mind to come forward. We were so tightly packed on this eternal etheral moon I did not know how I would move let alone move past the horizon. This voice was so soft and soothing it was almost like the sound of the smallest chime ever struck. It was neither gender but it had a strength to it that compeled me to obey. So I sat back in my place and lamented my inability to transcend my place among the mass of others like me. As I sat down I decided the only way to get anywhere was to try to find another way around my problem. Once I began to relax I felt my mind being pulled from where my body resided and I was quickly brought to a place at the edge of where people resided. I looked around to see what or why I was brought there and all of time flashed before my eyes. It has all happened before I thought. Then I looked above me and the edge of a giant storm. Lightning flashed and winds whipped featureless terrain into a frenzy of blunted weapons and chaos. I was left small and insignificant by the sight of this force of time. As I began to retreat I saw that all of those on the edge of this goliath storm all had their heads down. Did they not see this thing encroching on their space? did they not care? could they not see this is what has wiped the slate clean time and again and all they were doing was exactly what has always been done? ignoring it and hoping it will pass them by. That will not happen I thought they are going to be torn to shreds. as the wind around me began to pick up I tried to scream at them to look ahead and see what is coming but they could not hear me. I felt like all my effort was in vain and I could do nothing to help those I saw in peril. weakened by my own emotion I fell down crying and woke up.
I have related this story as best as I could but it seems as I proofread it I have failed at conveying what I am trying to say.
I have related this story as best as I could but it seems as I proofread it I have failed at conveying what I am trying to say.
The gold ring
I am turning the situations over and over in my head and I am growing quieter as the thoughts crowd my head. I am more then a little curious about how you plan on making your ammends with the dead. You cannot say goodbye to those that are gone but you also cannot wish well to those who do not believe in good. I am finding that all my questions come full circle and one has crept up on me again. In its resurfacing I find the path of those who were once strong and have grown weak. Yes when I rehashed this one I almost answered it differently then I have for so many years. I found the error and it pulled me out of my depressive state but nearly too late for any good to come from the answer.
I am glad to find you all well, though it has been so long since the last time I wrote. I begin writing again because as I see the road ahead I realize there is little to do but bite the bullet. I have no outlet that is sufficent other then this so I again must continue to write here. There are some of you I wish did not read this but I guess the wheel weaves as the wheel wills. I have, as I stated above, come out of about a month long funk of depression. I have encountered on the other side of this some younglings waiting to be taught. I dont want to teach but I have to wonder if I do not guide them down the path of my experience where will they go next for knowledge? I have been told that my mentality of "If not me then who?" is a bad one because it spreads me thin; Wears me down inside and out. I am again trying to add depth to my being by forcing my self to take on different routines. Changing up my days is already having its benefits. I think I am done for now.
I am glad to find you all well, though it has been so long since the last time I wrote. I begin writing again because as I see the road ahead I realize there is little to do but bite the bullet. I have no outlet that is sufficent other then this so I again must continue to write here. There are some of you I wish did not read this but I guess the wheel weaves as the wheel wills. I have, as I stated above, come out of about a month long funk of depression. I have encountered on the other side of this some younglings waiting to be taught. I dont want to teach but I have to wonder if I do not guide them down the path of my experience where will they go next for knowledge? I have been told that my mentality of "If not me then who?" is a bad one because it spreads me thin; Wears me down inside and out. I am again trying to add depth to my being by forcing my self to take on different routines. Changing up my days is already having its benefits. I think I am done for now.
Saturday, February 12, 2005
I'm Ron Burgundy?
Ha ha. Do you remember that time when you stopped the car you were riding in to yell at me for smoking. I was what like 14 then? Man were you pissed to see me do what you wished I never would. You yelled at me and made me look like an ass to all my friends in my foolish attempt to look cool. I wish you knew a better way back then to be a big brother then being an ass but that was how you were and leading a double life was how I was. You never told mom or dad about that even though I gave you the middle finger when you drove away. Oh yeah then you saw me in the rear view and stopped the car to give me another piece of big brother love. fuck I look back and think how funny that was and yea still think you were an ass. You love me too much for your own good. You were always the cooler smoother version of what I always wanted to be. All I ever felt around you was fat and clumsy. Its funny to think about those times now cause I usually had no idea why you were the way you were. Rob left when you were what 13? I was 9? All those time are so fuzzy, were you just trying to be the best brother you knew how? I know if I had a little brother I would do a better job then both of you cause you always do better when someone else shows you how to do it. Did you ever know I attribute most of my parenting to you? Everyone else seems to think I got all kinds of attention that I can never remember getting. It seemed like the only attention I ever got was from you whether it was bad or good it was still attention. You were the cloth from which I was cut. You fashioned the majority of my habits and disposition. You are my doctor frankenstein. Ever thought about that? Did you know I always envy you? In your mind you are something totally different then what you are to me. You were always the last person I ever want to stab and the first person I drew the knife on. You are not just a brother you are a father figure to me, a Darth Vader kind but one never the less. Ever thought that you were the person I followed my whole life? You and your wife have been together for 12 years. You and I have been around for about 20. She still has the better part of a decade to get out of the way before she can start to match years with me. The only person I will have spent more time with by the time we are laid to rest in our graves other then you is my wife. I have been with you like a child who will not go away. You are my brother in blood and that will never change. I love you till death brings us home again. Please forgive me.
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About Me
- Hardwaremonkey
- I am seeking truth and understanding. I am trying to find the thread that connects all things.