To determine a name

There is a process I think should be made known about names. when person is born they know nothing of language or the physical identifiers, dynamic consciouness labels or what ever you look at as your name. As you grow older and wiser with every moment you strech what you knew the preceeding moment. At one point you learn what you are called by those around you and what or how to call on them. At another point you learn that everything has been assigned a refrence point by which to call on or refer to that thing and you begin to speak by relating to things. There was a point in my own life where my name no longer suited me but on the advice of my parents, I never changed it. What I am getting at and I no longer want to take the time to explain is this. Your name is not always what people will call you. Its more important then you think but less important then you will ever know. Soak in your individuality for now but remember that to more then one person you are just that loser on the corner.

Its a poison

I have a secret craving to drink a cup that I know very well could get me killed. Oh the sweet poison that is adrenaline. If you have never put your life and your soul on the line a few times you will never know what I am talking about. I crave that bitter bliss that is only found on the edge of demise, far beyond the borders of reason. I want to go to the places where stupidity is fatal and perfection is the standard. I want to run with wolves and lions knowing that I am with my own kinda. Those warriors who can only taste their sweat and crave the pop of their joints from life in a fast lane with no road. God why do I want this so much? I feel like a very well used sword being set on the shelf to waste away. I keep telling my self that I am not wasting away I am learning patience and self control. I am learning how to hold still at a thousand miles an hour. I am beginning to know what it is to truly listen and also what it feels like to be heard. I am no longer looking for a fight, I am finding a reason behind a senseless war. I am getting motive for what I no longer see as madness and learning why I ran so hard when I should have learned to walk. Yes, It is a poison I crave but I know I need something else.

A breeze running through

As I gaze into the places that eyes cannot see and I am brought through the fog of eternity I wonder where I am going. Do I write these insane thoughts for attention or am I thinking them so often I need to write them down to stop thinking them. I need a cigarette around the same time every night. How does it feel? Of all the things I had as a child that I wish I still possessed as an adult I believe a clean mind is the most important. Its in the nature of everything that can think never to comprehend its own insignificance. The harder you try to find meaning the further the meaning you have slips away. I am starting to think that stating the obvious is a waste of time. People don't listen and I can seem to shut up. I just feel crazy when I talk to others about what really interests me. I know too much about noting important and not enough about the things that will make a difference. I hate it all some times. I wish I was still depressed on the epic scale of my youth. I would have a reason for thinking like I do. Now I think all of this completely calm and with no emotion. I have to remind my self not to go through the motions and just how lucky I am. No this is not a glimpse into my mind, just a breeze running through it.

The opposing truths

Remember to smile.
Don't ever cry.
Always say thank you and please.
If its not felt don't fake it.
Choose your friends wisely.
Grieve with the living not for the dead.
Treat everyone equal.
Be considerate of the opposite sex but not submissive.
Submit to your spouse.
Always stay calm.


You will never be happy.
Cry so hard you never stop breaking inside.
Be more thankful for what you don't have.
Most people don't know sincerity or how to show it.
Friends will always betray or leave you.
Attend funerals. Skip weddings. You will have a tighter grasp on reality that way.
Some are born less fortunate and most will stay that way.
The opposing gender is just a blind to you as you are to them.
Strive for equilibrium not superiority.
Always stay calm.

What has been lost

There are things that have been lost over the ages. If you ever take the time to listen to the winds that do not move the hair you would know what I am writing about. I have been losing my mind in the contemplation and execution of thoughts that could either damn the soul I believe I have or crush my faith completely. I have no need anymore to know but I keep asking the why. The directions in time I am going to just to get what I believe would be an almost believable answer. With every question I have another question. With every piece of me that becomes stronger another part begins to atrophy. One of the major laws of alchemy is that to gain anything you must give something of equal or greater value. What determines value? Can I give something up that I do not posses? Why believe the truth of one man when it serves you and call him a lunatic in the next breath because what he stands for or says he has proven refutes what you want to believe. There was a time when no one in this land had seen a sailing vessel. When they arrived on the shores of this land only the children could see them. When a ship was sitting in the harbor literally the adults could not see them until they were described by their open minded children. The mind only sees what it is willing to accept. Ever not been able to see something that you know is right in front of your eyes? How open does my mind have to be without what is let in ruining all that is there?