The bending of being

I had a dream. I was sitting on a sphere with all who have ever exsisted. This sphere was large but not nearly as big as one might think. As I looked around some of us were watching the slow rotation (which was on every axis) but most seemed to have their heads down as if they were sleeping. As I looked ahead I could almost hear somthing calling into my mind to come forward. We were so tightly packed on this eternal etheral moon I did not know how I would move let alone move past the horizon. This voice was so soft and soothing it was almost like the sound of the smallest chime ever struck. It was neither gender but it had a strength to it that compeled me to obey. So I sat back in my place and lamented my inability to transcend my place among the mass of others like me. As I sat down I decided the only way to get anywhere was to try to find another way around my problem. Once I began to relax I felt my mind being pulled from where my body resided and I was quickly brought to a place at the edge of where people resided. I looked around to see what or why I was brought there and all of time flashed before my eyes. It has all happened before I thought. Then I looked above me and the edge of a giant storm. Lightning flashed and winds whipped featureless terrain into a frenzy of blunted weapons and chaos. I was left small and insignificant by the sight of this force of time. As I began to retreat I saw that all of those on the edge of this goliath storm all had their heads down. Did they not see this thing encroching on their space? did they not care? could they not see this is what has wiped the slate clean time and again and all they were doing was exactly what has always been done? ignoring it and hoping it will pass them by. That will not happen I thought they are going to be torn to shreds. as the wind around me began to pick up I tried to scream at them to look ahead and see what is coming but they could not hear me. I felt like all my effort was in vain and I could do nothing to help those I saw in peril. weakened by my own emotion I fell down crying and woke up.

I have related this story as best as I could but it seems as I proofread it I have failed at conveying what I am trying to say.

The gold ring

I am turning the situations over and over in my head and I am growing quieter as the thoughts crowd my head. I am more then a little curious about how you plan on making your ammends with the dead. You cannot say goodbye to those that are gone but you also cannot wish well to those who do not believe in good. I am finding that all my questions come full circle and one has crept up on me again. In its resurfacing I find the path of those who were once strong and have grown weak. Yes when I rehashed this one I almost answered it differently then I have for so many years. I found the error and it pulled me out of my depressive state but nearly too late for any good to come from the answer.
I am glad to find you all well, though it has been so long since the last time I wrote. I begin writing again because as I see the road ahead I realize there is little to do but bite the bullet. I have no outlet that is sufficent other then this so I again must continue to write here. There are some of you I wish did not read this but I guess the wheel weaves as the wheel wills. I have, as I stated above, come out of about a month long funk of depression. I have encountered on the other side of this some younglings waiting to be taught. I dont want to teach but I have to wonder if I do not guide them down the path of my experience where will they go next for knowledge? I have been told that my mentality of "If not me then who?" is a bad one because it spreads me thin; Wears me down inside and out. I am again trying to add depth to my being by forcing my self to take on different routines. Changing up my days is already having its benefits. I think I am done for now.