A gateway drug...

I recently heard that they do not legalize marijuana because its a "gateway drug" to harder more dangerous drugs. I have smoked "pot" done many other drugs in my life and I can safely say that a gateway drug is a bullshit statement. Keep in mind that drug abuse/addiction is really just a symptom of a much larger sickness, a concrete manifestation of the darkest psychic depths. I have delved into the depths of why I started and stopped any and all drugs and they built on themselves only because I was searching for something that no one else around me could provide. An escape from my reality. Anyone who advocates legalizing marijuana is about as smart as those trying to keep it illegal. I am not going to get into this cause its all starting to bother me.

A borrowed but true statement...

As for me I will have a bit of self loathing with a side of internal anguish. As I have said before I was in the military and with that you should assume I have issues. I say this to the common reader as a warning. I am blessed with a crippling self-awareness which alternately permits me flights of cathartic expression, and when directed inward, horrific self-abuse. Most of what I say on this blog is because if I do not direct some of it outward I would kill my self. I am overwhelmed and this blog is less then a journal and more of an emergency outlet valve. I am slowly killing my self by being me and this is what I have to stay alive for now. Its a pathetic outlet as far as outlets go. I am insane. Don't listen to me if it helps you keep the voices quiet. Don't watch me if your worried what I am going to do next. Make sure you keep reading though so you can keep tasting a reality that you will never have. Deny that your as crazy as I am because lying to yourself will make you emotionally numb. In the end you will also go to sleep with or without someone and still feel unfulfilled. You are not saying enough or maybe your saying too much that is not true. Ninety-nine percent of you are still not asking enough questions. If you really learn to hate yourself then your taking one step in the right direction.

Its all happening...

Yesterday is history, Tomorrow's a mystery. Today is a gift; that's
why they call it "the present".


I liked that Quote so much this morning I stole it from another blog and placed it in my own. Its the truth and if everyone thought about today as what it is then maybe people would be worth saving.


I posted last night at 2323:43 and shortly there after I felt a small earth rattling quake at around 0110 and it was pretty scary for me. I could not sleep for the life of me and now with more and more frequency my visions and dreams are happening. Its not that they never happen but they are usually very far off and nothing I should have to pay attention to. Looks like the days of far off prophecy are coming to an end. Oh you don't believe me? Here is the article.


By F.N. D'ALESSIO
Associated Press Writer
Published June 28, 2004, 10:12 AM CDT

CHICAGO -- A brief earthquake struck the Midwest early Monday, rattling windows and awakening sleeping residents from Wisconsin south to Missouri and from southwestern Michigan west to Iowa.

No injuries were reported from the quake, which occurred about 1:11 a.m. CDT.

Brian Lassige, a geophysicist with the U.S. Geological Survey in Colorado, said the quake was magnitude 4.5, and its epicenter was about eight miles northwest of Ottawa in northern Illinois, close to the small village of Troy Grove. The rural area is about 70 miles west of Chicago.

Lassige said earthquakes in that area are rare, but have occurred before. He said quakes have been recorded there in 1881, 1912 and 1972. Survey said the three-second quake occurred at a depth of 3.1 miles in a structure associated with the Sandwich Fault Zone. It was not connected with the New Madrid Fault further south, which has been responsible for the Midwest's most serious earthquakes.

Initial reports indicated no major damage from the trembler, although police agencies and radio stations within the quake area were inundated with telephone calls.

``It was mayhem around here for a while,'' said Pattie Burke, a dispatcher for the Ottawa Police. ``We had more than 200 calls from residents in a short period of time, all of them wanting to know what had happened. A lot of them seemed to think a truck had crashed into their house.

``Here in the station, it felt like an aircraft was about to crash right here. The quake was felt at three nuclear power plants in Illinois: Quad Cities, LaSalle and Dresden.

Craig Nesbit, a spokesman for the Exon Corp., which owns the three generating stations, said the Nuclear Regulatory Commission declared an ``unusual alert'' for all of them, although there appeared to be no damage.

``All of them were operating 100 percent, and no problems were reported, but we did a check of all safety systems,'' Nesbit said.

Nesbit said the three stations supply electrical power for several million Illinois residents.

Reports of the shaking came from at least as far east as Valparaiso, Ind., and as far west as the Quad Cities, and from Wisconsin in the north to the St. Louis area in the south.

Gary Spaulding of Marseilles, Ill., said he was relaxing in his mobile home when the quake struck.

``It was like somebody shot off dynamite,'' said Spaulding, who added that his cat leaped out of his lap and would still not come near him two hours later.

``I thought maybe a tree hit my trailer,'' Spaulding said. ``I've got a dead tree in my yard.''

Jeff Biesemeier of Freeport, Ill., said his whole house ``was just vibrating.''

Joe Knapp of Delafield, Wis., just west of Milwaukee, said he was asleep and awoke when the bed began shaking. ``Everything was just rolling back and forth,'' Knapp said.


Any doubters out there give me a week and I am sure there will be more to come. To me the most annoying thing is the fact that I was looking hard for the metaphysical meaning and it was literal. Hindsight is always 20\20 aint it. I guess that knowing the future does no one any good unless you can interpret it.