I could detail my life from shortly after I was born till the day I know I am going to die. I wont cause that would bore everyone to death with the exception of the random highlight and comical interlude. So I am going to attempt to just document the really good bad and sexual parts of my life. You all will find it more interesting.
What was her name? The first girl that I can remember having sex with was Linae. I say that I can remember because I am fairly certain there almost 25 women before her that I only have drunken snips of memories from each. What happens in Mexico stays there right? More on this subject tomorrow. My woman giving me a huge headache.
I cant seem to come up with a good description so I wont have one.
Monday, July 12, 2004
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About Me
- Hardwaremonkey
- I am seeking truth and understanding. I am trying to find the thread that connects all things.
6 comments:
I think it may have somthing to do with the dishonesty on that subject. I have been a little less then honest becaus she asked a questiona nd really did not want the answer. This subject comes to mind cause on some level i hope she reads this site and i am absolved of my lie but i will never tell her cause she is better off not knowing.
For most people it would bother them but I have no conscience and I found long ago in another profession that guilt embarresment are a waste of time. All they ever do is keep you from really enjoying life. I might be considered a sociopath. I dont feel emotion unless it servers me and i dont act on much unless it can further my own ends. Thats mostly why i am on Lithium. Better living through medication and opression of the human spirit!
At the risk of being accused of arrogance (which is not how this is intended by the way), I don't believe you. I don't believe that anyone who is as in touch with the depth of their personality (at least the dark side) can be a sociopath. Wouldn't it be nice if that were true, then you'd be off the hook and all of life would be excusable. Unfortunately, I think you fall into another category. Perhaps . . . deeply disillusioned, feeling that there is no "home" for someone who sees the world in what others consider such a "twisted" way; maybe it's just that the alienation is so deep now that you need a label to deal with it . . . it looks from here, and granted my view into your existence is VERY limited, as if you're numb from the "disbelonging" associated with holding onto your ideals and not being able to conform to the fucked up world we live in. Just my thoughts.
That very well could be it. Maybe I have become so numb by this world that I cannot help but feel soiled by it and try to hide being what I hope is a mental condition. I am broken on every level by what I have seen and been thorugh and it stifles my ability to relate to the common concepts of right and wrong. I have ideals and morals but they are so far from the norm that they are antisocial by todays standards. I am almost desperately seeking the truth that will show me what I am looking for.
Monkey,
Knowing you better than most, less than some, I would have to agree with "Captain Anonymous" earlier. You are, and have been disillusioned for as long as I've known you. I hope I am not out of line in saying this, but I keep nothing from you so WTF? right. You're strength and power, aombined with a lack of direction can only lead to passion and rage. (You are the tiger, remember?) caging that up only leads to self-hate and self-doubt.
It is a hard fucking mess for people like us to realize that we do not see the world the way others commonly accept it. It's like Plato's Allegory of the Cave (check here for the philosophical premise you uneducated sheep) ~
http://faculty.washington.edu/smcohen/320/cave.htm
As I remember the story, one man makes it out and sees the real world, sees the "light" if you will, but when he returns to the cave to try and impart his knowledge or lead others to that "reality" they dismiss him, even belittle him as insane for not seeing the "shadows" right in front of him as real. His questioning nature and his rebelious bravado lead him to a "reality" more lonely and confining than the shackles he once wore.
The truth shall set you free...Perhaps, but it is a lonely, heart-wrenching existence that leads to a sort of self-loathing when we come to realize that the common man's truth, is just a shadowy glimpse of what life is really about. "Why, oh why didn't I take the blue pill?!?"
"Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness, that most frightens us."
Tiger...Dragon...Phoenix.......Which one are you today.
Evolve.
deeply disillusioned, feeling that there is no "home" for someone who sees the world in what others consider such a "twisted" way; maybe it's just that the alienation is so deep now that you need a label to deal with it . . . it looks from here, and granted my view into your existence is VERY limited, as if you're numb from the "disbelonging" associated with holding onto your ideals and not being able to conform to the fucked up world we live in.
http://www.livejournal.com/users/jeremy_ism/
P.S. You don't read / recommend my blog?
Screw you buddy. ;)
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