Its a poison

I have a secret craving to drink a cup that I know very well could get me killed. Oh the sweet poison that is adrenaline. If you have never put your life and your soul on the line a few times you will never know what I am talking about. I crave that bitter bliss that is only found on the edge of demise, far beyond the borders of reason. I want to go to the places where stupidity is fatal and perfection is the standard. I want to run with wolves and lions knowing that I am with my own kinda. Those warriors who can only taste their sweat and crave the pop of their joints from life in a fast lane with no road. God why do I want this so much? I feel like a very well used sword being set on the shelf to waste away. I keep telling my self that I am not wasting away I am learning patience and self control. I am learning how to hold still at a thousand miles an hour. I am beginning to know what it is to truly listen and also what it feels like to be heard. I am no longer looking for a fight, I am finding a reason behind a senseless war. I am getting motive for what I no longer see as madness and learning why I ran so hard when I should have learned to walk. Yes, It is a poison I crave but I know I need something else.