So this is how it begins...

I wonder if a sword could talk what it would say as it was used for the last time and then put into a drawer somewhere to wither away slowly, there is no more dishonorable death then one that happens while your still alive. I think of a sword that was at one time use to render justice or dispense the will of Gd or fight to take back the holy land. A sword that was swung by the man who lead the Golden horde or the divine hand of the universe that brought the lost clans of Asia together under the great ruler Chin. Those swords were laid down never to be wielded by a deft hand again. This last thing reminds me that a sword is useless without a hand to use it. A person like a sword is only as useful as they allow them selves to be. Where I am going is this: We all have a purpose and we can accept it or not. I can feel my self becoming dull and wither away in the ways that make me special. I feel like as a part of me grows another part is dying twice as fast. There is a law in the medieval art of alchemy that states "To gain one thing you must give up something of equal or greater value. " I am sorry to all those I have let down in letting go the burden I was born with. Your life was written in the stars of mine and I know I have failed to touch you in the way I was supposed to. I am so very sorry to be the reason you are slipping away and I wish I was strong enough to do what I knew and still know I am born to do. Alas I am not and I don't ask your forgiveness, I ask only that you reserve your judgment for the creator. I belong to the creator and the creator alone and only the one and only, the most high Gd can judge my actions. I am weak. I am so sorry. You did not wear my mantle and I doubt you know its weight. I am not giving up, I am only making the necessary changes that I know I have to make to live the life I have chosen. Maybe this is all apart of the creators plan, I do not know. I can feel that edge dulling as I sit in a drawer and wonder have I miss my moment? Was my purpose really that short a meaningless? Is this all that there ever was for me? I will never be used again. I have already lost my edge.